He either takes his time away to collect his thoughts and comes back or he decides to make the break permanent, meaning it's truly over. There are only going to be two outcomes from a break. The only exception might be being if the two of you have an open relationship or your situation is so new that formal rules haven’t been put into place. People are generally attracted to confidence and strength, and you're really not doing yourself any favors by begging him to change his mind.Īlso, breaks aren’t a good time to jump on the apps and start hooking up, hoping to get revenge. That kind of behavior screams “codependent” and “clingy.” When someone needs space, the most caustic thing you can do is insist you stay together. Trying to talk him out of it isn’t a smart idea. Unfortunately, the answer is must respect his wishes and let him have his break. On the other hand, he might still want to get away from you for a bit. And that might even make him completely reconsider the whole break thing. If you relieve that pressure, things will probably get better, or at least clearer. Which is a really lonely place to be it's awful to have to hide your feelings from the man you're supposedly closest to in the world. So much of the time, in a relationship, we wander around with these caged feelings - all of this steaming emotional garbage we'd like to express to our significant other, but that we don't, because we feel that we can't. One of the best things you can do in a situation like this is make him feel heard. You can't be This means being open to things you may not want to hear. You actually have to want to know WTF is going on. There's an important aspect of this approach, hover. Say that you want to be absolutely clear about why this break is happening, so you can see whether there's some underlying relationship problem you were aware of that you could improve - whether that involves expressing more gratitude, showering more, attending more to the little things, or whatever. And there's a simple way to go about this. I've experienced both types.Īssuming the latter is the case, if you want to address things, the first step is to determine what the hell is going on. Okay, sometimes “I want to take a break” can be translated into: “I just want some space to myself, because you're annoying me, during which I'll stare out the window and remember how much I love your smile and how much I want to blow you every day.”īut often, it means “I want to break up with you but am too chicken to pull the trigger, so I'm going to string things along in a maximally painful way, during which you'll find out that I'm hooking up on the apps or taking a fun vacation to Palm Springs without you.” This can mean any one of a dozen things, some of them perfectly natural, some of them horrible. It's so confusing, because it's so ambiguous.
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